I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
