i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
