Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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