2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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