This is not my ceiling
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
