The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
