she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.