Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
