apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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