I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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