Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
