new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
