Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
