U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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