You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
