finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
