Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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