he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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