I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
