I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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