Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
