So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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