Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
