First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just gift wrapped bread.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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