Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
