I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
