this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
