Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
