I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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