I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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