I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize