My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
