Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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