Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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