My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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