I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
