Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
