oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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