they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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