u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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