last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
