Are we in a gay sports bar?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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