yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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