I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
