We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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