The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
