I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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