well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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