just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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