can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
