i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
