Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Randomize
