you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your penis caused this!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
