just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
