Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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