I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
