forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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