I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
