i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
